Kim Kardashian: I'd like to marry this dude and spend $10 million dollars on a publicity wedding please oh and then 72 days later I'd like a divorce
America: Well sure why not?
Britney Spears: I want to get hitched in a chapel in Vegas and have the marriage annulled fifty-five hours later because I didn't know what the hell I was doing
America: Whatever you want!
Carmen Electra: I want to get married in Vegas to this basketball player and then annul the marriage nine days later cuz we were both drunk lololololololololol
America: Okay, sounds like fun!
Gay couple: We would like to get married and spend our lives together and possibly adopt unwanted children to give them a good home and -
America: WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH YOU IDIOTS THAT IS DISGUSTING AND WRONG YOU DEFILE THE SANCTITY OF MARRIAGE SO GTFO
I do seriously love all of my friends
But sometimes. Like. I just fantasize about moving really really far away and not telling anybody.
Last night I dreamed that all of the adults in my family were talking about their sex lives and they all kept saying YOLO
It was pretty much the most terrifying nightmare I’ve ever had.
I’ve officially hit that special low point
Where the thought of going hungry is less unappealing than the thought of washing my hair and putting on pants to go get food.
